Anais Nin
The quote above struck a nerve. So, I sat in the energy of these words for a few weeks and wondered to myself....
Is life shrinking or expanding for me?
Can courage and fear exist simultaneously?
What am I doing to consciously expand my life?
What is courage?
Courage as defined by Merriam's dictionary : mental or moral strength to venture, persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.
With that being said, I realize that courage can be subtle, nearly invisible, and can exist without being recognized.
Perseverance is one of the many facets of being courageous . The ability to continue along a path in the midst of obstacles or potential failure. Perseverance is the ability to supress the desire to quit or do something easier.
I single out this particular facet because it's such an important ability and requires constant honing. The ability to perseverance translate into knowing ones value, being able to receive, overcome low self esteem, negative self talk, ignore naysayers , and stand in ones truth.
With that said, I apologize for neglecting this site over the past few months. I've been really busy focusing on all the wrong things and in the process learning all about courage. I landed my dream job in a well known company which quickly turned into a nightmare. Although, my new job offers a new title, notoriety, challenges me , pays more than I've ever earned, and provides me with an opportunity to increase my skills - it hasn't been all roses. It has been hard. I was hired as a replacement for a person who had been demoted two days prior to my arrival. Long story short, I found myself entrenched in power struggles, alienation, and on the receiving end of intentional sabotage e.g. incorrect information provided for reports, etc. Honestly, games I'm ill equipped to play.
My reaction to being in an unfamiliar hostile environment has been to raise my walls, overcompensate by working hard long hours, and manage me my fear day to day. The fear of being perceived as under qualified, unprofessional, incompetent, unlikeable, etc. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen.....happened. I went to my boss from help and he basically brushed me off which made me feel like he perceived me as all of the above or worse expendable. Guys, let me tell you that did a number on my self esteem.
But, I'm glad it all happened.
The situation above forced me to get in touch with my personal power .....my inner Goddess. I was forced to look within in order to define myself outside of the good opinion of others. Let me tell you that was terrifying. My livelihood and current lifestyle depends on opinions....my boss, colleagues , and tenant opinions....right?
Wrong!!! that silly notion had me working myself into near burn out, placing my divine power in the hands of others, kept me fearful therefore closed off to what the universe had to offer, and drove me to the brink of insanity as I tried to control the uncontrollable. My fear robbed me of joy and had me convinced that the worst thing I could have done was leave the comfort of my old job.
Courage came from standing in my discomfort and not expecting my situation to change.
Courage meant that I had to change. It meant facing my fears and chosing to have faith instead of worrying because I can't do both. Faith that today will go my way and if it doesn't there is an unseen path leading me to my highest potential. To have faith means having the strength to trust.
Courage meant that I had to feel uncomfortable and allow the abrasiveness of the entire situation to refine , shape, smooth me out and make me stronger.
Perseverance means that I showed up when I wanted to quit.When my gut clenched up as I walked through the door, I made my way into the battlefield with a positive attitude, renewed faith and vows to make sure that I sucked the life out of all my situation had to offer. I made it through the storm and things have changed because I took my power back.... I've cultivated a new trait.....Strength.
I take my lunch in the park, leave on time, no longer come in on the weekends, try my best and go home. I no longer take work home with me in thought and therefore it no longer follows me energetically.
Guess what?! The world hasn't collapsed, my work hasn't suffered, and I'm happier.
I AM Courageous and my life has will continue expand as a result. I've come to the realization that my dream job isn't my dream but society's approved path. I AM now taking steps to pursue my dreams.
So, I've come to realize courage and fear can exsit simultaneously. As a matter of fact courage is often found while facing ones fear.
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